5 Things I Would Change About Our Wedding
I’ve often watched happy bride-to-be's preparing for their wedding day and reflected on what I would tell myself when I was in that position. Weddings are a unique experience in that you hope to only do it one time, so it’s not the type of experience you can really improve on or learn what to do before the big day, and at the same time, it holds so much pressure to be the best day of your life.
I think in some ways our wedding was the best day of my life in that I look back on it so, so fondly as the moment I joined my husband and we became a team for real. I remember the moment we said our vows actually feeling like our literal souls were merging together in this very spiritual, emotional, hard-to-describe way. It was an amazing moment and surprised me by being my favorite part of the whole day. I expected to feel excited getting ready, nervous during the ceremony and totally relaxed at the reception. I think the way it turned out I actually felt nervous getting ready, excited and relaxed during the ceremony, and kind of stressed and distracted during the reception.
So while I look back on our wedding day with so much joy in my heart and wish I could replay it again and again, I have to admit a lot of the day was stressful for me too and there are some things I would do differently if I could go back!
Here are some things I would have changed if I could:
I underestimated how much time I needed to get ready. I feel really anxious when I am rushing, and I ended up being about half an hour late to the ceremony, forgetting my shoes and almost forgetting the marriage certificate. I think I had about 3 hours planned for getting ready because I was worried that having extra time to sit around and wait would make me more nervous, but I wish I had given myself more wiggle room and planned a back up activity to use in case I was waiting for too long.
I didn’t plan any alone time for myself in the morning. I know myself better now, but at the time I didn’t realize how much I needed time to process what the day meant to me completely alone. I invited so many people to get ready with me because I’m normally very extroverted, but I found that I really needed time to think about the fact that I was getting married and because I didn’t plan for that I started to feel overwhelmed. I wish I had planned for 30 minutes of journalling or just processing quietly.
I wish I had planned out better food before the ceremony. For breakfast I ate celebratory food which was delicious and felt celebratory but it was sugary and not very filling, and later I was hungry and feeling a little anxious about walking down the aisle when I didn’t have the normal really good nourishment I give myself in the morning. I wanted to feel like my best, strongest, most confident self and I think I was too worried about my image — trying to look chill and like I can have a good time instead of paying attention to the fact that I actually feel the best when I eat a certain way and stick to some familiar routines, even if that seems uptight on wedding day.
I wish I had been a little more detail-oriented. Again, I was trying so hard to be the chill bride and not be controlling and obsessed over details. I really didn’t want to stress out about our wedding, so I think I tried not to care too much, and though I think that’s overall a good thing, in hindsight there are small decorative details that I just rushed because I didn’t want to stress and I kind of wish I had just given them a little more time… A great (possibly extreme) example of this is that neither Nathan nor I knew where we were staying on our wedding night, lol! We left the wedding, started driving to Laguna Beach and looked at each other hoping the other had kept track of what hotel we were going to, hah. I googled Laguna Beach Hotels, looked for which links were purple on my phone, and thankfully the first one I called had our reservation. Our honeymoon was similar where we just did not make plans ahead— I just felt so much during our engagement that I didn’t want to obsess over the wedding and honeymoon and wanted to focus on the fact that we would be married, but in the process I probably could have focused a little more on the party too!
I wish we had done more of the cheesy traditions like a bouquet toss and cake cutting and making a big deal of dress shopping with friends and family and ringing the bell when you find the One. Once again, I was trying to be chill and too cool for cheesy traditions, but I wish we did them. You only get the chance once!
Ok so many other things about our wedding I LOVED and was so happy with. I’m so glad we got married outside in a park, I’m so glad our first look was as I walked down the aisle instead of ahead of time, I’m so glad we said traditional vows instead of writing our own, I’m so glad we hired a videographer, I’m so glad we had such a short engagement (3 months), and I’m so glad we set aside two full hours for photos. It’s a day I still get teary thinking about and love to re-watch every year on our anniversary. But! These are the things I would change, for all you future brides out there! Basically, they all come down to me putting pressure on myself to be chill, when the reality is that I’m not that chill. I wish I had just embraced the fact that I’m a little uptight and that’s an ok thing :)